Tag Archives: weightloss

The sad step, stress and self sabotage. 

28 Nov

So the last couple of weeks have probably been the most stressful I’ve experienced in a long time. I was preparing a job application and then preparing for the interview. Inbetween that I was deal with people commenting on my ability to do my job and how the new job should not be mine. At first you can tell yourself to ignore it but after a while it starts to get into your head. And how did I cope with it? I ate and boy did I eat loads.


There was literally nothing I wouldn’t eat. We have a snack drawer in work and it is full of wonderful and delightful things. I had my almonds and fruit but did I want them? No. while writing my application I would eat biscuit after biscuit. I would get my husband to call into the shops to get me a treat. After the application was submitted comments about my ability to fulfil the position intensified. So what did i do? I ate.


I knew myself I was doing bad things to my body. I was bloated, cranky, tired and weak. After 4 weeks i finally had the interview and my stress levels were at an all time high. After the interview my adrenaline went through the roof. All I could do was go home and sleep. On Wednesdays I have PT sessions and I remember how crap I felt I had no strength and all I wanted to do was throw up. The worst part was the self hate I had for myself. Why did I eat all the food, why couldn’t I control my emotions better? I spoke to my trainer and she said just draw a line under it and move on. At this point I had acknowledged that I was doing wrong and to just get back into my routine. 

The biggest thing that affected me during this time was the sad step aka the scales. I know to stay away from the scales but my weight loss in the back of my mind is very much numbers based. Even though I know that the numbers haven’t changed but yet I’ve dropped 2 clothes  sizes I still can’t get it into my head to stay away from the scales. The more I ate the more time I spent standing on the scales feeling sorry for myself. 


But now this is a learning curve and I’ll be able to use my experience from this going forward. And now to go and hide the scales.

Sometimes things just don’t go to plan. 

27 Aug

It was with a heavy heart that I decided to pull out of my first 10k race. And to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. This was my first 10k and I wanted to do this for myself. 

Lets go back to last Sunday. Hubby was competing in true grit and I gave into that little voice in my head that said I wouldn’t be fit enough for the event and didn’t register. Truth is deep down I know I would have been well able for it but I doubted myself and this is something I have to work on. So I stood on the side lines and supported him. Throughout the day my throat got progressively worse and at one point I thought I was going to pass out. I wanted to curl up and die. By the time I got home I was on fire. I was breaking out in a fever and my skin was hot to touch. I went to bed that night and Monday morning the virus was in full swing. I went to the doctors and he confirmed that I had a viral and a chest infection. I asked him about the 10k and he said just listen to your body. 


So I listened and I didn’t like what I was hearing. My cough got worse and I became breathless. In mind I just kept saying 6 days until race day, you’ll be fine. And that carried on all week. By Friday I knew I couldn’t run it so I thought about walking it. I didn’t want to walk but because I felt like I was letting myself down. But I figured walking was better then nothing. Friday morning I walked to the bus which is only about 10 minutes from my house. It killed me. I couldn’t catch my breath and I needed to sit down. What chance did I have of walking 10k. Even as I sit here tonight, the night before race night a part of me is like you’ll be fine to do it tomorrow. I won’t be – I still can’t breath. 


So what do I do now? I move on. I get myself healthy and strong and I move on. I have signed up to Miss Muddy in September and a few of us from work are going to train together on a Tuesday evening. It’s shitty when things like this happen but it’s a great lesson in learning how to deal with disappointment. In the wise words of my dad, what is for you won’t go by you. Xo

Why I’ve stopped looking at the scales.

22 Jun

I hate my scales but I keep going back to it. It’s like an addiction. I can’t keep away. They are only numbers I tell myself it doesn’t reflect how you are feeling. But I still feel the need to go back. So today was my 31st birthday and I’m probably feeling the best I ever had in years. So what’s the problem? The scales won’t reflect how I’m feeling. 


This was me a year ago. Not weighing much more then I do now. But I was at this point drinking a lot of fizzy drinks and eating snacks. All the snacks. So I got my PT to do a meal plan and I cut sugar. And in the first couple of weeks the results were great but then I went home and then it was Christmas and then it was excuse after excuse. And even when I ate well and exercised the scales were adding kilo after kilo. It was frustrating and I was devestated. So I continued on and ate well and increased my exercise. And slowly my body changed. But what didn’t change was the scales. The numbers didn’t move or moved up. But I could see the changes and everyone else could see the change. I even bought skinny jeans and fit into them. 


I even bought gym pants with design on them. So I have decided it bye bye scales and I’m gonna just keep doing what I’m doing. When you see the two pictures together there is a noticeable difference however on the scales it’s very little. So see ya scales there is no room for your negativity in my life 😝

Whoops clean eating turned into eat all the food! 

24 May

Here we are three weeks into May and for the most part I was doing really well. Running, gym and good eating. And then illness took me down and when I say it took me down it literally floored me. I started off with a scratchy throat and then the eternal tap in my nose turned on. 


I went to personal training on Wednesday and had an easy session as I had my spine and hips realigned on Monday. I didnt really know what to expect from that but at the end of the session i felt great. Funny how he knew things about me before I even told him. He could tell me about my anxiety, my kidney issues and how I hurt my back. After an intense hour of twisting, pulling and back cracking I was good to go. 


I felt like I could take on the world. But then Wednesday evening came and it hit me like a tone of bricks. I vomitted after my PT session. Now I’ve vomitted before but this was different, it felt like my body hated me and not in the yeah that was an awesome session kind of way. I kept telling everyone in work that morning that I was fine, i was in the prime of life by Wednesday evening I felt like I had been struck down in the prime of life. 

Thursday and Friday I was too sick for work. So what did I do? I ate. And how much did I eat? Lots.


Everything I could find I ate. Didn’t matter what it was I ate it. Toast became my new best friend. Smoothered in delicious butter and sometimes cheese. All the cheese and all the butter made for a happy Sinead. Oh having a cup of tea? Sure stick on a slice of toast. Breakfast time? Ah sure lets have some toast. Lunch time? You guessed it toast. I tend to do most of the cooking in our house so when I got sick Marks way of coping was to get take out. Not ideal but I didn’t care. I was sick and wanted comfort in the form of all things food. 

I’m paying for it now, my gluten intolerance is flaring up again and I’ve had upset stomach for three days now. Back on the clean eating and I can say hand on heart I missed it. Will also be glad to get back to the gym. I wonder if it missed me 

May 1st – Colour run and clean eating 

2 May

So I did it. I finally ran 5k and I did it in 37minutes. I had been training a while for it but as it got closer to the event I suffered really bad with shin splits and on Friday before the race I hurt myself in Pilates to the point that I cried. Saturday I debated pulling out all together, the pain in my hips was still there and I had trouble moving. I stretched out that evening and had an Epsom salt bath. I also had a word with myself and told myself to put my big girl pants on and go for it. 

Sunday morning I woke up and still had the same tightness in my hips. The race was on May the 1st. Same day as my clean eating. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and eat all the chocolate I could find. Sure I could walk it if I was in too much pain. 

We arrived at the venue and the place was buzzing. It was starting to rain hard but it didn’t stop the buzz. The only thing I was disappointed in was the amount of fast food trucks there. Children eating chips and burgers at 8am. And no healthy food in sight. 


We made our way over to the start line and myself and Mark went to the right with the runners. I was nervous, I don’t know why but I was nervous. The count down from 10 to 1 started and we were off. We started running, and I ran and I ran. We hit the colour stations along the way and we were covered. I walked for about 500 metres and we were off running again. It felt natural and I could breath. There was no pain in my body and I was determined to keep going. The rain was getting heavier and I could barely see in front of me. We can’t have been more then 500 metres from the finish line and i turned to Mark and just said I couldn’t do it anymore I needed to walk. And he just told me to run for it. Make sure you dig deep and run across that finish line and I did just that. Would I have been disappointed if I walked across? Absolutely. 


I was delighted coming in at 37minutes. Fastest I have ever done it. We had a paint party afterwards to celebrate 


Naturally I was starving afterwards so I cooked up big fluffy omelettes and had a gallon of water. I had a massive headache which I think was the adrenaline but of course I convinced myself it was sugar and had a biscuit and some chocolate. Whoops minor slip up. But today is a new day and I am ready to go. I have my schedules prepared and my lunches cooked for the next four days. Looking forward to some killer workouts this week and clean eating. 

30 days clean eating -May 1st

25 Apr

So I think I can honestly say in the last year my eating has improved dramatically. And as a result of better eating and exercise I’m fitter and my skin has improved massively. But what’s my number one problem? I eat my feelings. If I’m board I’ll eat, if I’m sad I’ll eat, if I’m happy I’ll eat and the absolute worst is if I’m tired I eat absolute shite, nothing tastes better then food you have prepared but when you’re loosing the will to live (ok slightly dramatic) and you can pay someone to cook and deliver food to you then I know what my choice is. The last couple of months have probably been the worst. And it’s such a vicious cycle. I eat because I’m cranky and then I have sugar withdrawal get cranky and eat more food. 


The biggest change for me was that sugar film. Such an eye opener. Really gave me the kick up the bum I need. Food I thought was good was just pure sugar, my low fat yoghurt, orange juice and cereal. I’ll be honest I was horrified. But like everything else I watch the film in June and everything I learnt just kind of slipped into the back of my mind. Thankfully they have released a new book which has given me the motivation to go again and clean eat. 


Preparation is 100% the key. I picked up these handy weekly guides in Kmart and I have my meals planned. The biggest issue I had was coming in from work, not knowing what I wanted to eat so I either didn’t eat (binge ate later) or had take out. This helps to keep me on track and I have a plan to stick to.


My husband has promised to keep me motivated. This week I have started cutting down and I can feel the cravings and the little voice in my head telling me to just have one piece it won’t hurt. Last time I did this i didn’t  cut down first I just cut out. This time to prevent the sever headaches and moodiness I’ll cut down and then out. April 30th I’ll do all my measurements and photos and update as I go along.

I have my first offical 5k on Sunday. Shin splints are causing issues so we’ll see how i go!

Here’s to clean eating and sugar free 🍸 

Weight loss – it’s a Love/Hate Relationship 

9 Apr

  

Monday morning 5.30am and my alarm goes off. Right fresh week fresh start. Clean eating and at least 3-4 sessions in the gym this week. That’s my weekly conversation and it’s a battle. My heart is telling me yes girl you got this and my brain is telling me to eat all the food. This has been a struggle for most of my adult life. Eat when I’m hungry, eat when I’m board, eat when I’m sad, eat when I’m happy. 

This is me just over a year ago 

  
I honestly didn’t see anything wrong at the time. I was working out but my biggest vice was I was eating so badly. Take out a few nights a week, lollies and chocolates in work, biscuits after dinner. I guess in my head I justified that because I was working out I could eat what i wanted. I wasn’t going to loose any weight but if I worked out at least I wouldn’t gain any. 

Then I saw this picture 

  
I think I was at my heaviest here but again I wasn’t quiet ready to face that I had a problem with my weight. In June we were required to go for medicals for our residency. I remember the doctor telling me to stand on the scales and I was horrified at the number looking back at me. I wanted to cry. I remember the doctor asking me for my weight and I said to him oh can’t you see it, he said no. . .  I knocked about 5kgs off my weight and lied to him. All I could think about was f**k how did it get this bad and why did nobody tell me. More importantly why didn’t I see this in myself.

  

 At this point I vowed to start cutting the crap, stop blaming anything and everyone and do this for me. 

I guess the biggest eye opener was that sugar film. I watched it with my husband and we both felt sick afterwards. We were heading home in August 2015 and I was determined for the month of July I was going sugar free. Our trainer did a meal plan for us and we followed it to the T. The first week was horrific. I remember the crankiness, headaches and moodiness. But then something changed, the headaches went, my skin looked better and I had more energy. The numbers were dropping on the scales. I was delighted. We went home for three weeks and of course there was plenty of great food and drinks and cakes. Sure we were on holidays -it’ll be grand. Eh wrong came back 3kgs heavier. Oh crap!! 

  
There was nothing I could do about that so we agreed to move on and get back to the healthy eating. We continued on with the healthy eating, training and even joined a Pilates class. The hardest part for me was when my weight loss stopped and it just stayed and then the scales was telling me I was gaining massive kgs. I have now learnt to ignore the scales and also realised it’s very much broken.    

Then one day my trainer said to me I was going to try some running. No no no my biggest fear. Running. I was like I’m too heavy to run, what if I can’t run what if I fall. And I certainly wasn’t going to run for the first time in my training session. So what did I do. I snuck up to the gym and practiced running and do you know what I absolutely hated it. I couldn’t breath, I wanted to vomit and my legs were aching. But I stuck with it and am proud to say I can now run 5k 

  
I guess the biggest lesson I have learnt is that everyone falls off the routine every now and again but it’s being able to get back into the routine that is the important part. Being able to enjoy a treat now and again but not scoffing to the point where you’ll be ill. And most importantly learning to love yourself and stop comparing yourself which has taken me oh 30 years to learn. 

  
Everyone is fighting their own fight you just concentrate on you and let them be them 💕 xox