Tag Archives: lessons

The sad step, stress and self sabotage. 

28 Nov

So the last couple of weeks have probably been the most stressful I’ve experienced in a long time. I was preparing a job application and then preparing for the interview. Inbetween that I was deal with people commenting on my ability to do my job and how the new job should not be mine. At first you can tell yourself to ignore it but after a while it starts to get into your head. And how did I cope with it? I ate and boy did I eat loads.


There was literally nothing I wouldn’t eat. We have a snack drawer in work and it is full of wonderful and delightful things. I had my almonds and fruit but did I want them? No. while writing my application I would eat biscuit after biscuit. I would get my husband to call into the shops to get me a treat. After the application was submitted comments about my ability to fulfil the position intensified. So what did i do? I ate.


I knew myself I was doing bad things to my body. I was bloated, cranky, tired and weak. After 4 weeks i finally had the interview and my stress levels were at an all time high. After the interview my adrenaline went through the roof. All I could do was go home and sleep. On Wednesdays I have PT sessions and I remember how crap I felt I had no strength and all I wanted to do was throw up. The worst part was the self hate I had for myself. Why did I eat all the food, why couldn’t I control my emotions better? I spoke to my trainer and she said just draw a line under it and move on. At this point I had acknowledged that I was doing wrong and to just get back into my routine. 

The biggest thing that affected me during this time was the sad step aka the scales. I know to stay away from the scales but my weight loss in the back of my mind is very much numbers based. Even though I know that the numbers haven’t changed but yet I’ve dropped 2 clothes  sizes I still can’t get it into my head to stay away from the scales. The more I ate the more time I spent standing on the scales feeling sorry for myself. 


But now this is a learning curve and I’ll be able to use my experience from this going forward. And now to go and hide the scales.

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Sometimes things just don’t go to plan. 

27 Aug

It was with a heavy heart that I decided to pull out of my first 10k race. And to say I was disappointed would be an understatement. This was my first 10k and I wanted to do this for myself. 

Lets go back to last Sunday. Hubby was competing in true grit and I gave into that little voice in my head that said I wouldn’t be fit enough for the event and didn’t register. Truth is deep down I know I would have been well able for it but I doubted myself and this is something I have to work on. So I stood on the side lines and supported him. Throughout the day my throat got progressively worse and at one point I thought I was going to pass out. I wanted to curl up and die. By the time I got home I was on fire. I was breaking out in a fever and my skin was hot to touch. I went to bed that night and Monday morning the virus was in full swing. I went to the doctors and he confirmed that I had a viral and a chest infection. I asked him about the 10k and he said just listen to your body. 


So I listened and I didn’t like what I was hearing. My cough got worse and I became breathless. In mind I just kept saying 6 days until race day, you’ll be fine. And that carried on all week. By Friday I knew I couldn’t run it so I thought about walking it. I didn’t want to walk but because I felt like I was letting myself down. But I figured walking was better then nothing. Friday morning I walked to the bus which is only about 10 minutes from my house. It killed me. I couldn’t catch my breath and I needed to sit down. What chance did I have of walking 10k. Even as I sit here tonight, the night before race night a part of me is like you’ll be fine to do it tomorrow. I won’t be – I still can’t breath. 


So what do I do now? I move on. I get myself healthy and strong and I move on. I have signed up to Miss Muddy in September and a few of us from work are going to train together on a Tuesday evening. It’s shitty when things like this happen but it’s a great lesson in learning how to deal with disappointment. In the wise words of my dad, what is for you won’t go by you. Xo