Tag Archives: food

The sad step, stress and self sabotage. 

28 Nov

So the last couple of weeks have probably been the most stressful I’ve experienced in a long time. I was preparing a job application and then preparing for the interview. Inbetween that I was deal with people commenting on my ability to do my job and how the new job should not be mine. At first you can tell yourself to ignore it but after a while it starts to get into your head. And how did I cope with it? I ate and boy did I eat loads.


There was literally nothing I wouldn’t eat. We have a snack drawer in work and it is full of wonderful and delightful things. I had my almonds and fruit but did I want them? No. while writing my application I would eat biscuit after biscuit. I would get my husband to call into the shops to get me a treat. After the application was submitted comments about my ability to fulfil the position intensified. So what did i do? I ate.


I knew myself I was doing bad things to my body. I was bloated, cranky, tired and weak. After 4 weeks i finally had the interview and my stress levels were at an all time high. After the interview my adrenaline went through the roof. All I could do was go home and sleep. On Wednesdays I have PT sessions and I remember how crap I felt I had no strength and all I wanted to do was throw up. The worst part was the self hate I had for myself. Why did I eat all the food, why couldn’t I control my emotions better? I spoke to my trainer and she said just draw a line under it and move on. At this point I had acknowledged that I was doing wrong and to just get back into my routine. 

The biggest thing that affected me during this time was the sad step aka the scales. I know to stay away from the scales but my weight loss in the back of my mind is very much numbers based. Even though I know that the numbers haven’t changed but yet I’ve dropped 2 clothes  sizes I still can’t get it into my head to stay away from the scales. The more I ate the more time I spent standing on the scales feeling sorry for myself. 


But now this is a learning curve and I’ll be able to use my experience from this going forward. And now to go and hide the scales.

Whoops clean eating turned into eat all the food! 

24 May

Here we are three weeks into May and for the most part I was doing really well. Running, gym and good eating. And then illness took me down and when I say it took me down it literally floored me. I started off with a scratchy throat and then the eternal tap in my nose turned on. 


I went to personal training on Wednesday and had an easy session as I had my spine and hips realigned on Monday. I didnt really know what to expect from that but at the end of the session i felt great. Funny how he knew things about me before I even told him. He could tell me about my anxiety, my kidney issues and how I hurt my back. After an intense hour of twisting, pulling and back cracking I was good to go. 


I felt like I could take on the world. But then Wednesday evening came and it hit me like a tone of bricks. I vomitted after my PT session. Now I’ve vomitted before but this was different, it felt like my body hated me and not in the yeah that was an awesome session kind of way. I kept telling everyone in work that morning that I was fine, i was in the prime of life by Wednesday evening I felt like I had been struck down in the prime of life. 

Thursday and Friday I was too sick for work. So what did I do? I ate. And how much did I eat? Lots.


Everything I could find I ate. Didn’t matter what it was I ate it. Toast became my new best friend. Smoothered in delicious butter and sometimes cheese. All the cheese and all the butter made for a happy Sinead. Oh having a cup of tea? Sure stick on a slice of toast. Breakfast time? Ah sure lets have some toast. Lunch time? You guessed it toast. I tend to do most of the cooking in our house so when I got sick Marks way of coping was to get take out. Not ideal but I didn’t care. I was sick and wanted comfort in the form of all things food. 

I’m paying for it now, my gluten intolerance is flaring up again and I’ve had upset stomach for three days now. Back on the clean eating and I can say hand on heart I missed it. Will also be glad to get back to the gym. I wonder if it missed me 

May 1st – Colour run and clean eating 

2 May

So I did it. I finally ran 5k and I did it in 37minutes. I had been training a while for it but as it got closer to the event I suffered really bad with shin splits and on Friday before the race I hurt myself in Pilates to the point that I cried. Saturday I debated pulling out all together, the pain in my hips was still there and I had trouble moving. I stretched out that evening and had an Epsom salt bath. I also had a word with myself and told myself to put my big girl pants on and go for it. 

Sunday morning I woke up and still had the same tightness in my hips. The race was on May the 1st. Same day as my clean eating. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and eat all the chocolate I could find. Sure I could walk it if I was in too much pain. 

We arrived at the venue and the place was buzzing. It was starting to rain hard but it didn’t stop the buzz. The only thing I was disappointed in was the amount of fast food trucks there. Children eating chips and burgers at 8am. And no healthy food in sight. 


We made our way over to the start line and myself and Mark went to the right with the runners. I was nervous, I don’t know why but I was nervous. The count down from 10 to 1 started and we were off. We started running, and I ran and I ran. We hit the colour stations along the way and we were covered. I walked for about 500 metres and we were off running again. It felt natural and I could breath. There was no pain in my body and I was determined to keep going. The rain was getting heavier and I could barely see in front of me. We can’t have been more then 500 metres from the finish line and i turned to Mark and just said I couldn’t do it anymore I needed to walk. And he just told me to run for it. Make sure you dig deep and run across that finish line and I did just that. Would I have been disappointed if I walked across? Absolutely. 


I was delighted coming in at 37minutes. Fastest I have ever done it. We had a paint party afterwards to celebrate 


Naturally I was starving afterwards so I cooked up big fluffy omelettes and had a gallon of water. I had a massive headache which I think was the adrenaline but of course I convinced myself it was sugar and had a biscuit and some chocolate. Whoops minor slip up. But today is a new day and I am ready to go. I have my schedules prepared and my lunches cooked for the next four days. Looking forward to some killer workouts this week and clean eating. 

Weight loss – it’s a Love/Hate Relationship 

9 Apr

  

Monday morning 5.30am and my alarm goes off. Right fresh week fresh start. Clean eating and at least 3-4 sessions in the gym this week. That’s my weekly conversation and it’s a battle. My heart is telling me yes girl you got this and my brain is telling me to eat all the food. This has been a struggle for most of my adult life. Eat when I’m hungry, eat when I’m board, eat when I’m sad, eat when I’m happy. 

This is me just over a year ago 

  
I honestly didn’t see anything wrong at the time. I was working out but my biggest vice was I was eating so badly. Take out a few nights a week, lollies and chocolates in work, biscuits after dinner. I guess in my head I justified that because I was working out I could eat what i wanted. I wasn’t going to loose any weight but if I worked out at least I wouldn’t gain any. 

Then I saw this picture 

  
I think I was at my heaviest here but again I wasn’t quiet ready to face that I had a problem with my weight. In June we were required to go for medicals for our residency. I remember the doctor telling me to stand on the scales and I was horrified at the number looking back at me. I wanted to cry. I remember the doctor asking me for my weight and I said to him oh can’t you see it, he said no. . .  I knocked about 5kgs off my weight and lied to him. All I could think about was f**k how did it get this bad and why did nobody tell me. More importantly why didn’t I see this in myself.

  

 At this point I vowed to start cutting the crap, stop blaming anything and everyone and do this for me. 

I guess the biggest eye opener was that sugar film. I watched it with my husband and we both felt sick afterwards. We were heading home in August 2015 and I was determined for the month of July I was going sugar free. Our trainer did a meal plan for us and we followed it to the T. The first week was horrific. I remember the crankiness, headaches and moodiness. But then something changed, the headaches went, my skin looked better and I had more energy. The numbers were dropping on the scales. I was delighted. We went home for three weeks and of course there was plenty of great food and drinks and cakes. Sure we were on holidays -it’ll be grand. Eh wrong came back 3kgs heavier. Oh crap!! 

  
There was nothing I could do about that so we agreed to move on and get back to the healthy eating. We continued on with the healthy eating, training and even joined a Pilates class. The hardest part for me was when my weight loss stopped and it just stayed and then the scales was telling me I was gaining massive kgs. I have now learnt to ignore the scales and also realised it’s very much broken.    

Then one day my trainer said to me I was going to try some running. No no no my biggest fear. Running. I was like I’m too heavy to run, what if I can’t run what if I fall. And I certainly wasn’t going to run for the first time in my training session. So what did I do. I snuck up to the gym and practiced running and do you know what I absolutely hated it. I couldn’t breath, I wanted to vomit and my legs were aching. But I stuck with it and am proud to say I can now run 5k 

  
I guess the biggest lesson I have learnt is that everyone falls off the routine every now and again but it’s being able to get back into the routine that is the important part. Being able to enjoy a treat now and again but not scoffing to the point where you’ll be ill. And most importantly learning to love yourself and stop comparing yourself which has taken me oh 30 years to learn. 

  
Everyone is fighting their own fight you just concentrate on you and let them be them 💕 xox